Tax Dollars at Work

Dr. Phil is a trainwreck

2006/12/20

@ 08:02 PM (20 months, 9 days ago)

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,

Germany

. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man selects one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

The cowboy then says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U. S. Government", says the cowboy."

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, for a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows... this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

ALL SMARTER THAN AN AVERAGE LIBERAL

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! - THIS IS A CHRISTMAS TREE!

Comment(s) »

I know my dog can outsmart any liberal.

Comment by Barry G.— 2006/12/21 @ 08:42 PM — (Reply)
One can only wonder what that liberal intended to do to/with that calf/dog in his motel room.

Comment by Howard Stern— 2006/12/22 @ 05:37 PM — (Reply)
That cowboy was lucky that the Congressman didn't take a 'shot' at him. Fortunately having no computer, the cowboy didn't receive the liberal's IM's.

Comment by Ernie Els— 2006/12/26 @ 05:12 PM — (Reply)
he's lucky the congressman wasn't single

Comment by Elmers Brother— 2006/12/26 @ 05:44 PM — (Reply)

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