Dr. Phil is a Joke Blog

Once the Democrats take charge in January, bring the troops home, and appoint Jimmy Carter to keep America safe, we must be prepared to submit to Sharia Law pretty quick. It will not be voluntary - but it can be made smooth and painless with the use of re-educational TV programming. The American masses won't even notice the transition, just like they didn't notice the transition to socialist values in the past, due to the masterful work of mind-conditioning experts at all progressive media channels. To that end we recommend this... Sharia-friendly Winter TV Line-up:

Dune
Candid camera on top of a dune in the Arabian Desert. Watch the sand move. Fascinating. (Live)

My Mother The Car Bomb
Situation comedy where a man's dead mother is reincarnated as an old-fashioned, quirky, fun-loving car bomb. Teaches the values of spreading the faith by the sword.

Crappy Days
Teenage friends ensure Sharia Law is enforced throughout their sleepy little mid-western town. Good role models for young Madrasa students.

Saynfaald
Sitcom about nothing (other than the benevolence of Allah). Four friends make their way through carefully censored sketches of Muslim culture in Sharia-ruled New York.

72
Forget Jack Bauer and 24, the hottest thing on Islamovision is 72 virgins!

Really Desperate Housewives
After Zulfia has her clitoris not-so-surgically removed she decides to become a suicide bomber

Hamascide
Life on the Gaza streets

Lebanese Home Makeover
Courtesy of the Israeli army's bulldozer. Starring Flat Fatima with her all-Zionist work crew

American Infidel
The winner gets his head sawed off

Clerics Drawn Together
Without Danish cartoonists, praise Allah

Dead or Not Dead
Can you pick the dhimmi that will not be beheaded?

Sunni Toons
Starring Baghs Bunny, Dhimmi Duck, El-Elmer Faad, Pope is Pig, The Roadbomber & Mufti Coyote, and Abu Le Pew

Other recommended programming:

• The Antique Roadsidebomb Show
• Sharia Law & Order: Special Jihadi Unit
• Grey's Anatomy Modestly Hidden Behind Burqa
• America's Next Top Spiritual Leader
• Everybody Loves Ramadan
• Survivor: The West Bank
• Sadr Trek
• Wahhabi Five-0
• Francis The Talking Mullah
• Queer Eye? You're A Dead Guy
• Malcolm In The Middle East
• Leave It To Allah
• World's Funniest Home Martyrdoms
• Who's Wife Is It Anyway?
• Who Wants To Behead An Infidel?
• Pimp My Carpet
• Mullah Knows Best
• Friday Night Prayers
• The O'hajj Factor
• Ayatollah In Chief
• World's Wildest Religious Police Chases
• All In The Wali
• ER (Exploding Radicals)
• Osama Family Ties
• How I Stoned Your Mother
• Sabrina The Teenage Wife
• I Dream Of Dhimmi
• Halal And The City
• Guiltmore Girls
• Voyage To The Bottom Of The Dead Sea
• Sleepless In Somalia
• Buffy The Zionist Slayer
• The Fugitive (Cartoonist)
• Nip/Tuck Presents: Unsightly Neckline Removal

Mandatory programming for children

• Terrortubbies
• Al-Doura The Exploder
• Bi-Curious George
• Spongebob Squaretunic
• Winnie The Pooh-Pusher

Non-Offensive Karaoke:

• Imagine There's No Israel (John Lennon)
• I'll Follow Islam (The Beatles)
• Twelfth Imam is Coming to Town (Mahmoud Ahmadinejad)
• New York, New York (Start warning the Jews) (Sinatra)
• Uday, Qusay, & Zark (Dion)
• Rachael Corry (Simon & Garfunkel)
• Allah Hates You (Traditional)
• Strangers On My Flight (Sinatra)

Permissible Music Videos:

• Allah Want Is You - U2
• Imposing My Religion - R.E.M.
• Smoke On The Border - Deep Purple
• I Write The Watwas - Barry Manilow
• Baby You Can Dry My Carpet - The Beatles
• When Will I Stone You Again? - The Supremes
• When Sheep Cry - Prince
• Everything I Do, I Do It For Ummah - Bryan Adams
• Since You've Been Bombed - Rainbow
• Please Appease Me (Oh yeah, or I'll bomb you) - The Beatles
• With or Without An Entry Visa - U2
• Like a 72nd Virgin - Madonna
• You Interrogated Me All Night Long - AC/DC
• Nobody Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
• Every Hajj You Take - The Police
• Don't Stop Believin' in Allah - Journey
• Sloop Bombed Me - Beach Boys
• Under International Pressure - Queen & David Bowie
• Allah Wants It That Way - Backstreet Boys
• Crash Into Minaret - Dave Matthews Band
• (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Wear a Burqa!) - Beastie Boys
• Smells Like Quarantine Spirit - Nirvana
• Sweet Goat O' Mine - Guns N' Roses

Educational Songs From Motion Pictures

• The Shadow of Your Husband - Johnny Mandel
• Sheiek to Sheiek - Fred Astaire
• Hair Beneath My Armpits - Bette Midler
• Jihad Will Go On - Céline Dion
• When You Wish Upon A Koran - Cliff Edwards
• People (Who Need To Convert Other People) - Barbra Streisand
• Rock Around the Mosque - Bill Haley and the Comets
• Let's Call the Whole Truce Off - Fred Astaire
• Suicide Mission is Painless - Johnny Mandel
• Some Day Mahdi Will Come - Adriana Caselott

The above recommendations have been developed with the help of the People Cube's Groupthink members who picked their personal brain units and copy/pasted their findings, reminding us of what already existed in the depths of our collective consciousness.